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"I Am Not Your Friend"

How an angry Spanish train conductor started my journey down an unbeaten path

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Way back in the last century — the mid-90s — I started making enough money to put a bit away each week and save up for a trip somewhere interesting.

Until then, "interesting" meant Cape Cod, the occasional run down to New York or Florida, and when I really wanted to splurge on different, Cancun or Aruba.

Then I booked Madrid.

My high school Spanish (good year: C-minus) had to do a lot of heavy lifting, and it didn't always carry the load. (I always pictured Ms. Ponte smiling at me and saying "¡A que te lo dije!")

My most memorable failure was nearly getting physically tossed off a train, because unlike Amtrak, the Spanish (and most of the world I now know) assign a specific car and seat, and the conductors were not interested in my ignorance of that fact.

Mine angrily lectured our group in rapid, angry Spanish that none of us could translate but figured out fast enough. The only English he spoke was "I am not your friend," delivered when my brother-in-law tried to de-escalate.

To this day I remember him, probably incorrectly, as a near-perfect double for the nightmare-inducing Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang — a face-scarred, monocle-wearing terror in a conductor's hat, and the kind of man who probably remembered Franco's Spain fondly, and ran his train accordingly.

We thankfully survived that encounter and made it to Seville.

Years on, that conductor's rage has become a fond remembrance for my travelling companions - a moment we still laugh about with the kind of joy he would have hated.

But over time, his reaction became something more for me - a touchstone for how I think about travel.

The places I've loved most, the ones that made the deepest memories, almost never came to me on my terms. As the conductor showed me, the best places, like the best people, are not your friend - at least not from the get-go. They don't come to you. You go to them, on their schedule, in their language, at their table. And only then does the place open up. It opens up on Calle Betis in Triana, where you stumble late into a tapas bar along the Guadalquivir and the locals haul you to your feet and try against fate to teach you the basics of the Sevillana.

It opens up in the Alcázar after sundown, when the heat finally breaks and the azahar - bitter orange blossoms, pronounced ah-thah-ARrrrr - releases a scent so luxurious that sitting on a stone bench breathing it in for thirty minutes feels like the most productive thing you've done all month.

And it opens up on the Puente Nuevo at Ronda, where you lean over a chest-high iron rail and look straight down into a 500-foot void with nothing between you and the canyon floor but Spanish wrought iron and your faith in 18th-century engineers.

This edition returns me to the Iberian peninsula where I first learned this lesson, and I think these places reinforce it. In Évora, Roman columns stand unroped in plazas where students still gather. Olite rises from the wheat-gold plains of Navarra like something dreamed rather than built. Lamego's baroque staircase climbs nearly seven hundred azulejo-tiled steps above the Douro. And Úbeda's golden-stone plaza is quiet enough at midday to hear only your footsteps and the clink of olive oil tins. These are four places that ask for patience, attention, and the willingness to be frustrated before you truly feel the essence of what makes them special. Welcome to An Unbeaten Path, where my first steps onto it were taken on a train to Seville with a face-scarred conductor in a monocle who, by refusing to translate Spain for me, accidentally taught me how to find it. I owe him a debt he would never have accepted. And If nothing else, you’ll enjoy the ham.

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